I suck

To all my readers: I'm sorry I suck.

I think I'm depressed or something, because I just can't get motivated to write.  I haven't even been reading that much - I've only finished two books so far this year, and they were both short books.  Granted, my wife and I are REALLY busy right now, both of us working full time and simultaneously trying to pack and get moved into a new house, but that's only been going on for the last few weeks - I have no real excuse for before that, other than laziness and lack of interest.  I've tried for the last month to write a new essay on paganism and its influence on Christianity, but it simply will. not. come. out.  I've started it, trashed it, and started it again about five times now.  It's just not there.

The living situation, and general life situation, over the last year or so has really started weighing me down, I think, and even though we are finally moving, I still feel like I am out of sorts.  I think I'll feel better and more motivated in general once we finally get this move over with.  Right now, all the packing and all the actual moving, followed by all the unpacking - all while both of us are working full time - is looming over me like an enormous thunderhead.

I'm also fat now (I didn't used to be), and that doesn't help either.  Being fat sucks big time.  I don't sleep well, I'm tired all the time, my clothes don't fit, I can't move around as easily as I used to be able to, and my general self-image is in tatters.

Let's see...what else can I whine about?  There's a ton of laundry to do, the house is a wreck because we're moving, I've got an upset stomach, and I'm thirsty and there's nothing to drink.

I think I should start smoking again.  I was fat before I quit, but I've gotten even fatter since I quit, and the loss of motivation and interest in things I used to enjoy has only started since I quit smoking (i.e., the lack of motivation to write, losing interest in reading and scholarship, even [gasp!] a strange decrease in my libido).  That's something my quit smoking literature didn't warn me about.  I thought you were supposed to feel BETTER after you quit.  My lungs DO feel better, and I can breathe better now and don't cough constantly, but emotionally I think I feel a lot worse.

Okay fine, I'll stop.  The problem with a personal blog is that sometimes you let people see sides of you that would probably be best kept hidden - like the fact that I'm a hopeless whiner and self-absorbed baby who likes to throw pity parties :)

At least I have a good job and health insurance - two things I haven't always had in the last few years - and we are getting ready to move and get settled into a nice house in a nice neighborhood and finally get out of this hellish apartment  life we've been living for two years.

I'm still fat though.