Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Burn Out

I don't know what it is, but for the last week or so, I've just been dragging in regards to work and school. I feel fine - this isn't a physical thing; I just have no motivation right now.

The problem with work, I believe, is that I have started seriously thinking about getting a new job, and even went yesterday to submit a resume to a hospital here in town. So now that I have "new job" on my mind, I think it's making my current work totally intolerable. Whereas I've never enjoyed or liked this job, it has always at least been tolerable and not something I dreaded every morning. I'm not exactly to the "dread" point yet, but I feel like I am suddenly progressing toward that point very quickly.

As for school, I feel burned out there as well. It's not the material or anything like that. I enjoy what I'm doing and I think I will enjoy working in this field. I think, perhaps, it's a combination of only getting a week off in between the Winter and Spring quarters (except for that one week, I've been going non-stop since January 2nd), and the fact that I'm in this Rad 200 class three nights a week. While it's nice to only have 2 classes this quarter (Rad 200, plus Psychology on Thursdays), and therefore only two sets of material to learn and be tested on, having 3 or 4 classes each week at least breaks up the monotony. I think having the same class and going over the same kind of material three nights a week simply gets tiring after a while. Some nights I go in there and just totally don't feel like being there - in fact, I've felt that way pretty much every night for the last 3 or 4 class meetings.

I was seriously considering skipping last night, but figured if I did, I'd only end up at the bar, so I went to class instead. I don't want to get into the habit of skipping classes (even though we are allowed to miss up to 6 in this course) because I know from my experiences at Georgetown how easy it can become to just skip class. Since starting at Spencerian, I've never just skipped a class for no reason. I have perfect attendance this quarter, had perfect attendance last quarter, and only missed two half-classes my first quarter, both due to sickness. So I've not even missed a full class since starting at Spencerian.

Anyway, I hope this is just a phase, because damn near every day for the last week or so, I've been wanting to smoke and drink and skip class and skip work and not go home.

Another year and a half of this seems almost impossible, emotionally, right now.


MiriyaB (Becca) said...

I hear ya...
I have much the same feelings. For about the last month.
But the flowers are blooming, the trees are budding, and change is in the air--
let us hold on & get through it...

Anonymous said...

How many times have we had to listen to your pukemouth sessions? Cheer up! Satan is just trying to bring you down so that you will get addicted to alkeehol again. Remember back to how happy you were when you found out you get to look at female mammory glands for a living.

Scott said...

Thanks for the encouragement, Becca. Spring is in full force here too, and that does help. Hopefully this is just a phase that will pass.

As for Satan and alkeehol, I think he's too busy with his full-time job at the White House to be worried about my drinking problem!

deine schwester :) said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....that's a good one. Anyway, this is just a down swing. You'll get through it. It isn't forever. I mean, cut yourself from slack. What you are doing IS hard and anyone would get down and tired every once in a while. With the weather warming up you will feel better. And going to the bar and causing strife at home as a result will only make you feel worse.