Monday, February 14, 2011

I suck

To all my readers: I'm sorry I suck.

I think I'm depressed or something, because I just can't get motivated to write.  I haven't even been reading that much - I've only finished two books so far this year, and they were both short books.  Granted, my wife and I are REALLY busy right now, both of us working full time and simultaneously trying to pack and get moved into a new house, but that's only been going on for the last few weeks - I have no real excuse for before that, other than laziness and lack of interest.  I've tried for the last month to write a new essay on paganism and its influence on Christianity, but it simply will. not. come. out.  I've started it, trashed it, and started it again about five times now.  It's just not there.

The living situation, and general life situation, over the last year or so has really started weighing me down, I think, and even though we are finally moving, I still feel like I am out of sorts.  I think I'll feel better and more motivated in general once we finally get this move over with.  Right now, all the packing and all the actual moving, followed by all the unpacking - all while both of us are working full time - is looming over me like an enormous thunderhead.

I'm also fat now (I didn't used to be), and that doesn't help either.  Being fat sucks big time.  I don't sleep well, I'm tired all the time, my clothes don't fit, I can't move around as easily as I used to be able to, and my general self-image is in tatters.

Let's see...what else can I whine about?  There's a ton of laundry to do, the house is a wreck because we're moving, I've got an upset stomach, and I'm thirsty and there's nothing to drink.

I think I should start smoking again.  I was fat before I quit, but I've gotten even fatter since I quit, and the loss of motivation and interest in things I used to enjoy has only started since I quit smoking (i.e., the lack of motivation to write, losing interest in reading and scholarship, even [gasp!] a strange decrease in my libido).  That's something my quit smoking literature didn't warn me about.  I thought you were supposed to feel BETTER after you quit.  My lungs DO feel better, and I can breathe better now and don't cough constantly, but emotionally I think I feel a lot worse.

Okay fine, I'll stop.  The problem with a personal blog is that sometimes you let people see sides of you that would probably be best kept hidden - like the fact that I'm a hopeless whiner and self-absorbed baby who likes to throw pity parties :)

At least I have a good job and health insurance - two things I haven't always had in the last few years - and we are getting ready to move and get settled into a nice house in a nice neighborhood and finally get out of this hellish apartment  life we've been living for two years.

I'm still fat though.


Trent N. said...

Scott - Hang in there man! Wouldn't you know it, you are nice enough to agree to write on a topic I request and you get a big fat case of writers block! Just my luck!

Regarding your smoking. Sometimes I wonder if dying at 70 of lung cancer, all the while enjoying lifes vices, is preferable to kicking it at 75 having been a boring, unhappy health nut who misses out on lifes simple pleasures.

I read a couple books lately that I wanted your quick take

The Age of Reason by Thomas Paine
The Jesus Dynasty by James Tabor

Also, I am trying to learn more about the topic that I requested that you write about (pagan influences on Christianity) so I started Suns of God by Acharya S, but it was a bit too scholarly for me. Side note on a related issue: Did you see the religion portion of that Internet movie called Zeitgeist? I would love to know if you thought that was total BS or not.

Keep your chin up. My friends and I have been debating this Pagan influence issue to a draw for several months, we can wait as long as it takes!

Trent N.

Anonymous said...

I'm just pissed that you failed to answer my Valentine's text.

Just kidding! :)

You know you come by all this honestly, and the weather takes a toll too. I've been in the same boat as you pretty much since Christmas. Last night I was practically hysterical with it. I decided I had high blood pressure and was dying and all sorts of foolishness. You just have to ride it out. Not a lot else to do.

We can always make mom and dad take us to a nice dinner this weekend! Then we can be fatter. :)

steve said...

Well, do what you can about your weight: start following the GenoType Diet and the Blood Type Diet by Dr. Peter D'Adamo. It's very easy to do: eat the beneficial foods. Also, get a jump rope and jump 50 times (just 50 hops per day).

As for the writing, I bet if you read my book, Insights on the Exodus, King David, and Jesus by Steefen, you'd have an urgency to write. Currently my Kindle version has the more updated manuscript than the paperback version.

If you're not supposed to be writing now, just listen to the quiet voice for the truth of this stage of life.


Allen said...

When someone admits to their pudginess and libido status shows a level of honesty one doesn't encounter in bloggers much, so kudos to you for laying it all out there, bro.

Like Trent said, hang in there. I preached on rejection / adversity Sunday and the basic point was that the best thing we can do sometimes is to brush it off and move on with the assurance that your time is coming.

And as far as the clothes fitting better, you should make the drive to our church. We've got a weight room for members. But the church as a whole right now smells like feet because a critter died somewhere and we can't find it. So maybe wait to use our weight room until we find what I've been telling people is a turtle.

And even if you must gripe about it, write about. My Google Reader is not the same w/o you there! Otherwise I have to read some blog where someone else gripes, then talks about stitching, and informs me of the moon's cycle, which helps me, b/c I've never been caught between the moon and New York City before.

Live, love, laugh and be happy!

Anonymous said...

LOL! Don't forget the McHottie pictures, Allen!

Allen said...

Yeah, thanks for the reminder Elissa.

Scott said...

Aww, someone marked "I disagree." Haha

I should write more of these pity party blogs - I can't believe all the comments it generated. Thanks to everyone for coming to my pity party!! :)

Trent: Funny you should mention Zeitgeist - I mention it in the opening of the current version of the essay I've been working on. I actually wrote a very, very long article on the religion segment of that film a couple of years ago. If you go to the search box on my main page and type in "Zeitgeist" it'll pull up a link.

Short response: It's all BS.

I have The Jesus Dynasty on my "to be read" shelf as we speak. I had not heard of it, but someone gave it to me recently. I'll let you know what I think once I read it. Have not read the Age of Reason.

Steefen: Thanks for the encouragement. The jump rope thing is not a bad idea at all!

Allen: Sorry about the hidden dead critter...that, er, really stinks. :) We had a similar experience at a place I used to work, and we finally found a dead mouse under the cubicle wall between our desks.

Anonymous said...

Yeah Scott, don't worry about it. I went all of 2010 without health insurance and you've finished twice as many books as I have in 2011.